Toilet training your toddler

Introduction

Learning to use the toilet is a big step for your toddler as they begin to understand their body’s signals and start being responsible for their own bodies.

There is no need to rush them into toilet training. Each child is different and it’s best to watch for signs that they are ready to try.

The most important thing is that your child is ready and that you are relaxed and patient.

Children want to please you. Praise and encourage them as they learn this new skill.

How long will it take?

Some children take three to four weeks to work out how and when to go to the toilet - others seem to manage within a few days.

Some get control over wee first, for others it will be poo.

Copyright

The information in this section was adapted from the Parent Easy Guide series © Parenting SA, Government of South Australia.


Getting ready for toilet training

Your toddler may show they are ready to start toilet training between 18 months and two-and-a-half years of age.

This is when they become more physically mature and want to be more independent.

Know when your toddler is ready

Your toddler could be ready for toilet training if they show any of the following signs: 

  • copy your behaviour and follow simple instructions
  • say words for ‘wee’ and ‘poo’
  • show an interest in others using the toilet
  • pull their pants up and down
  • stay dry for two hours or more in the day - this shows they can ‘hold on’
  • tell you they have just done a wee or a poo in their nappy, or when their bladder or bowel is full
  • pull at wet or dirty nappies or ask to be changed
  • have bowel motions at a similar time each day that have a firm consistency
  • don’t want to wear nappies.

How to get prepare your toddler

Talk with other people who care for your child about what you will all do to help them learn to use the toilet. It helps to be consistent.

To help your child get ready for toilet training you can:

  • read a toilet training book or watch a DVD with your child - get one from your local library
  • let your child go with you to the toilet and talk about what you are doing, if you feel OK about it - the first step in learning how to use a toilet is understanding what it’s for
  • teach your child words they need to know for toilet training - eg: ‘wet’, ‘dry’, ‘wee’, ‘poo’, ‘it’s coming’ - choose words you are comfortable with
  • make the area safe - put all household cleaners and toiletries out of reach
  • dress your child in clothes that are easy for them to get on and off, and easy to wash
  • keep the potty or toilet ready to use, to avoid accidents
  • learn your child’s cues so you can be ready to guide them to the toilet in time.

Toilet or potty?

Before you start toilet training, decide whether to use a potty or the toilet. Many parents use both.

You might want to have both ready and find out which one your child prefers. 

Toilet

If using a toilet, your toddler needs to feel safe and relaxed to be able to let the wee or poo out. You will need:

  • a toddler toilet seat with a smaller hole that fits inside the big toilet seat
  • a step they can climb up on by themselves and rest their feet on while sitting.

Some toddlers are afraid of being flushed down the toilet, even with the toddler seat in place.

You can let them flush the toilet after doing a wee or poo to help give them a sense of control and so they can see what happens. 

Even though you might want them to use the toilet, using a potty might be easier for them.

Some boys like to start off sitting down to wee, others want to stand from the start.

Potty

Many parents start toilet training their toddler with a potty. They choose this because:

  • it’s easier for a child to get onto a potty without help and they can feel safer because it’s not so high
  • they can put it somewhere their toddler can get to quickly
  • they can take it with them when they go out.

You can also leave a potty out so that your child gets used to it before they begin toilet training.

Children can ‘try it out’ - even with their clothes on - and get to know how it feels, without any expectations.

They can also sit their teddy on the potty ‘to do a wee’.

When confident with the potty, children can then move on to using the toilet.


Tips for toilet training your toddler

If you think your child might be ready for toilet training, start when you will have the time and patience to give it your attention. Weekends can be good.

Avoid beginning if your child is coping with other big changes like starting child care or a new baby arriving.

Here are some tips:

Watch carefully so you notice when a wee or poo is coming out

Say, ‘I think you’re doing a wee or a poo’.

As you take them to the toilet or potty, let them know that this is good, and doing a wee and poo is good for them. 

Encourage your child to tell you when they have done a wee or poo in their nappy

This can be hard for them to realise if using pull-up nappies which take away the feeling of wetness.

If you use toweling training pants, your child will feel it as soon as it comes out.

Watch for signs they are about to do a wee or poo

They may start fidgeting or crossing their legs.

As you guide them to the toilet or potty you might say: ‘Let’s see if there’s a wee or poo coming.'

If your child tells you before they do a wee or poo, thank them for telling you 

Take them to the toilet or potty straight away.

Be positive 

Praise them for small successes and for trying - eg: ‘You pulled down your pants really quickly.’

Put them on the toilet or potty at a time when they usually do a wee or poo in the nappy

This could be after a meal or soon after a sleep if they wake up dry.

Don’t make children sit on a potty or toilet for more than a couple of minutes 

It can feel like a punishment and does not help toilet training.

After a number of successes, try leaving the nappy off and use training pants 

Training pants are easier for a child to get off by themselves.

They are also more absorbent than underwear yet easy to wash and feel very grownup to children.

Try not to switch between nappies and training pants

While nappies can be ‘safer’ when going out, try not to switch back to them at home.

This may confuse your child. Most toddlers will still need a nappy at night.

Expect accidents after they learn how to use the toilet or potty

It takes time for your toddler to understand their body’s signals.

It’s easy for them to get interested in doing something and not notice the warning signs.

Make it easy to go to the toilet at night

Leave the toilet light on at night and the door open so they can get to the toilet by themselves.

Reward progress

Reward each small step with cuddles and encouraging words rather than offering treats.

Hygiene tips

Try some of these hygiene tips:

  • float a ping-pong ball in the bowl for boys to aim at
  • teach boys to shake their penis after a wee to get rid of any drops
  • toddlers don’t have the skills to wipe their bottom properly so you will need to do this with them until they can get it right
  • teach girls to wipe from the front towards the back to avoid getting poo in the vagina
  • teach children to wash their hands after using the toilet or potty and always do this yourself after helping them
  • don’t make a fuss about cleaning up - if your child feels anxious there are likely to be more accidents.

Becoming dry at night

Becoming dry at night takes longer because while your child is asleep they don’t have any control over when their bladder empties.

Bedwetting happens when the bladder becomes full but children don’t wake up.

The bladder empties itself automatically rather than holding the wee.

Night-time bladder control - becoming dry at night - happens when the link between the brain and bladder develops so the brain can tell the bladder not to empty. 

It happens at different ages and is not something your child can control by trying hard.

Night-time bladder control is affected by genes. If members of your child's family wet the bed later than others, your child might too. 

Most children are dry at night by five years, although some wet until six or seven, or even older.

Over 10% of junior primary school children still wet the bed.

If your child starts to wet often after being dry at night

You may want to talk with your doctor or health professional. Sometimes there can be a medical problem.

It’s important to not criticise or tease your child about wetting the bed or to talk with others about it in front of them.


Toilet training troubles

Problems with toilet training can happen for many reasons. 

Starting too soon

This may be because of pressure from relatives or friends, or if parents feel their child should be trained by a certain age.

If the child feels tension and pressure, it can be hard for them to get it right.

It’s common for toddlers to relax and ‘let go’ as soon as they stand to walk away from the potty or toilet.

If this happens a lot, they may not be ready yet for toilet training.

Changes or stress in your child’s life

Changes or stress to your child's life can cause problems with toilet training. For example, a new baby in the family.

If your child asks to wear a nappy again, let them for that day. Ask them the next day if they could manage without one.

This can happen on and off for several weeks until they feel secure again.

Being unwell

If your child is unwell it can lead to temporary loss of control.

How to respond to toddler training problems

If you think your child is not trying to use the potty or toilet you may find yourself becoming angry and even wanting to punish them. 

Don’t punish them. Punishing a child when they are trying to learn this new skill doesn't help.

Instead you can:

  • try again in a few weeks when things are less tense
  • spend extra time making your toddler feel special before you start again.

Constipation

Although most children poo every day, it’s normal for some children to poo less often.

Signs of constipation can be:

  • it is difficult for your child to poo
  • their poo is dry and hard
  • your child poos less than three times a week
  • your child has tummy aches or ‘holds on’ because it hurts when hard poo comes out
  • there is tearing around your child’s anus.

Causes of constipation can include:

  • the food your child eats - they need plenty of fibre from fruit, vegetables, bread, cereals, beans and lentils
  • not drinking enough fluids - make sure they drink plenty of water throughout the day
  • some medicines
  • not enough active play
  • fear of going to the toilet or being alone in the toilet.

Sometimes the bowel gets used to being full of poo all the time and loses some of the feeling of fullness.

The child will find it hard to know when they need to go to the toilet. 

Medical help can be needed to get it started again.

Talk with your doctor, community nurse or dietitian before using laxatives or other treatments.

Bladder infections

If a young child has a bladder infection they will not be able to stay dry all the time.

You should see your doctor if your child is:

  • weeing very often, or starting to wet their pants again after being toilet trained
  • in pain when doing a wee, or there is blood in the wee
  • wetting frequently during the day after the age of two, or not being toilet trained by the age of four
  • your child’s wee changes in smell.

Toilet training a child with a disability

Children with developmental delay, health or mobility difficulties may take longer to use the toilet reliably.

They might need lots of extra help from you and, in some cases, special equipment.

For extra support and ideas talk with:

  • your doctor, community nurse or other health professional
  • other parents who have children with similar difficulties.

More information

For advice on toilet training your toddler contact your doctor or community health clinic.

Find out more, including where you can get support for toilet training, on the following pages: