Sleep and your child: zero to six years

Introduction

Managing sleep for babies and children is one of the most common concerns for parents.

There are many different ways parents can help babies and children get to sleep, and patterns vary between cultures and families.

What matters most is that bedtime is relaxed and comfortable and that babies and children are safe and have comfort when they need it.

The length of time that a child will sleep and the number of sleeps they need is very individual and can vary a lot at any age.

If things aren't working well for you, some of the following information might help.

Types of sleep

There are two main kinds of sleep:

  • light sleep
  • or deep sleep.

Light sleep

Light sleep is when you dream and ‘go over’ the day’s events and wake feeling refreshed.

It’s also the kind of sleep where you wake more easily.

Your baby will light sleep about eighty percent of the time.

By the time they become a teenager, they will light sleep only about twenty percent of the time.

Deep sleep

Deep sleep is when growing and healing takes place. It is much harder to wake people from this kind of sleep.

Each night your child goes through sleep cycles from light sleep to deep sleep then light again.

Babies move quickly through these two types of sleep. Toddlers usually take about an hour for each sleep pattern or cycle.

Your baby or toddler might become unsettled as they move between the two stages.

Getting ready for sleep

You can help your baby or child relax and settle into sleep by doing some quiet, relaxing activities for the hour before bedtime. 

Having a routine such as a bath, quiet story, song and a special goodnight kiss can help them feel comfortable and secure.

Copyright 

The information in this section was adapted from the Parent Easy Guide series © Parenting SA, Government of South Australia.


Sleep at zero to three months

Your baby will sleep most of the day and night for the first few weeks, waking every two to three hours for a feed and attention.

By three months they will usually have settled into a pattern of longer awake times during the day and sleeps of up to five hours during the night.

This is considered sleeping through the night, but they will probably still need one or two night feeds.

Signs your baby is sleepy

Learn the signs that your baby is tired. These can include:

  • yawning
  • random jerky movements
  • crying
  • rubbing their eyes
  • when they are relaxed after a feed.

Settling your zero to three-month-old

The following ideas can help you to prepare and settle your baby for sleep:

  • if your baby is more wakeful at night than during the day - settle them at night in a quiet, dark place and don’t play or do anything that makes them more wakeful
  • put your baby on their back for sleep
  • work out how your baby likes to settle - some new babies settle best in a quiet, dark place, others settle more easily in noisier, lighter places
  • have some background noise such as humming, relaxing music or household noise
  • wrap your baby in a thin cotton sheet or use a safe sleeping bag that has no hood or arms
  • pat them gently with a cupped hand - at about the pace of your heartbeat
  • rock them in a pram or your arms for a while and then settle them into bed - always stay with them if they are in a pram
  • push them in a pram back and forth over a bumpy surface - eg: the edge between your carpet and tiles, or over footpath bumps
  • check that they are not too hot or cold, and that clothing is not too tight
  • give them a warm bath
  • give them a massage if they like it
  • offer another feed
  • allow them to suck on a thumb or dummy - only offer a dummy once breastfeeding is working well, around four to six weeks
  • carry them on your body in a baby sling.

Sleep at three to six months

At three to six months your baby might have two or three longish sleeps in the day, or shorter naps more often.

They may have learnt to sleep more at night than during the day. They might sleep for up to eight hours, or wake often for feeds. 

By six months of age about fifty percent of babies are sleeping through the night - about five hours or more.

During the day, your baby will be awake more and have some longer play times.

This helps them to learn that day is for playing and night is for sleeping.

Settling your three to six-month-old 

The following ideas can help you to prepare and settle your baby for sleep:

  • continue any bedtime pattern you have started from birth - but be flexible to meet the changing needs of your baby
  • try some of the settling suggestions for babies zero to three months
  • use the same settling pattern each time you put your baby to sleep, day or night - it helps them to learn about sleep more quickly
  • talk calmly to your baby as you put them to bed - tell them what is happening
  • read a book with a soothing voice
  • darken the room to make a difference between wake time and sleep time
  • make a recording of household sounds and play it in your baby’s room.

If your baby wakes at night

Many babies still wake at night for feeds.

Some sleep through, but can wake again for a few nights when their appetite increases.

They usually settle again when their feeds increase during the day.

To help reduce night feeds at this age:

  • try giving your baby a ‘sleepy feed’ before you go to bed and before your baby wakes for their next feed
  • try not to disturb them too much for feeds - lift them without fully waking them and breastfeed
  • if bottle feeding, you could give a feed without picking them up - but still hold the bottle and watch the feed to keep them safe
  • try to resettle them without a feed
  • if resettling doesn't work, in about fifteen minutes offer another feed so that you can get some sleep, and try again the next night - over time your baby should gradually get the idea
  • keep night-time feeds boring and don’t have play time - just settle your baby straight back to sleep.

Sleep at six months to three years

By this age your baby or toddler might be sleeping through the night.

Some toddlers need lots of sleep, while others get by with much less sleep - both are okay.

Your child may wake once, or several times a night.

Sometimes they might roll over and go back to sleep, or they might cry because they are uncomfortable or afraid, or want to know you are there.

Settling your baby or toddler

Try the following ideas to encourage sleep time for your baby or toddler:

  • stick to regular mealtimes during the day with some snacks and one or two sleeps
  • give them plenty of activity when they are awake - visit the park or playground, or go for a walk
  • make the hour or so before sleep a relaxing time
  • keep to the regular settling pattern that you have established, such as a bath, quiet play, story, cuddles and/or song
  • put your child into their cot awake and let them drift off to sleep
  • sing a song, read a story or put on some relaxing music
  • pat or rock them for a while
  • wrap them in a thin cotton sheet or sleeping bag - if they like it and depending on the temperature.

Settling older toddlers

You can try these ideas to get older toddlers to sleep:

  • leave a soft light on
  • give them something to cuddle like a soft toy or something of yours, such as a t-shirt
  • if they still like a dummy, try putting several in the cot - if the child wakes, move their hand so they can find one and settle again.

Your child may need you to stay near while they go to sleep.

If you decide to do this, don’t sneak out without telling them - it can make them tense in case you do it again. 

You can whisper that you are going to another room and will be back soon. Make sure you do return soon. 

If your child copes with this you can start taking a bit longer before coming back, but make sure you always return before they get upset - this builds trust. 

Even if they have fallen asleep, give them a goodnight kiss and whisper ‘I came back’.

You can use this time as your relaxation time - take a book to read or a CD and sit in a comfortable chair near your child, without disturbing them. 

Over a few nights you could gradually move your chair nearer to the door, until you are outside the door - so your child can hear you but not see you.

This way your child gradually learns to settle when you are not there.

If your child wakes at night

Your child might still wake at night, but will probably grow out of it over time.

If you and your child are happy with the way things are, don’t feel pressured to change.

Your child might wake and cry at night due to:

  • being in a light phase of sleep so that something like a noise causes them to wake fully
  • not knowing how to settle back to sleep. Sometimes young children need to be fed, rocked or nursed to sleep
  • pain such as earache, a cold, or teething.

Separation anxiety

Some children wake and cry at night because of separation anxiety. 

By eight or nine months of age, babies have learned that their parents exist even if they can’t see them - they can get frightened when they wake and their parents aren't there. 

This is a common reason for children under three years to cry at night.

You can tell if your child is waking due to separation anxiety if they settle quickly when you are nearby to reassure them.

If your child has separation anxiety, you can:

  • put a day bed or mattress in their room and lie down near them so you both get to sleep
  • put their bed in your room near you
  • make sure they get plenty to eat during the day.

Sleep at three to six years

Three to six-year-old children need about 10 to 12 hours sleep each night. 

They might go to sleep at 6.30pm and wake early, or stay up later and wake later. They might still need a daytime sleep.

Settling your child

Try the following ideas to encourage sleep time for your child:

  • work out a night time pattern that is special for you and your child - eg: a bath, drink, brush teeth, cuddle, story, song and kiss goodnight
  • let them know in advance that bedtime is coming - eg: ‘just one more game and then it’s time to get ready for bed’, and mean what you say
  • no excitement such as tickles, wrestles or TV for the half-hour before bed
  • allow time to sit and talk about the events of the day
  • if your child has had a stressful day or something is worrying them, they may need some extra time and quiet attention - eg: reassuring words, a longer cuddle or relaxing music.

If your child wakes at night

Night waking is common in these years and there is no ‘right way’ to solve it.

Your child might still wake and need your help to go back to sleep if:

  • they are still developing the confidence to feel secure when you are not there - this will probably improve after about four years of age
  • there are changes in their life - such as moving house, separations, family tension, starting preschool
  • they feel sick, lonely, sad or frightened.

Sometimes doing whatever works for you as a family is good enough.

Some children can resettle themselves - others may need comforting.

What you can do

Try to settle your child where they will be sleeping the night, so you don’t have to move them.

If they wake, go to them and quietly reassure them that everything is all right.

Say something like ‘Sleep time now - love you’, and then walk out of the room.

If your child remains unsettled, you could try some of the ideas below:

  • if they come into your room, lead them back to bed, and resettle them there
  • put a spare bed in their room so you can be comfortable and rest while your child needs you close by
  • allow them to come into your bed if they wake early in the morning, or have a small mattress or sleeping bag for them next to your bed
  • be comforting, but boring - don’t respond to any games
  • ask your child what would help them go to sleep - they may be able to tell you
  • think about any changes happening in your child’s life that can cause stress - they might seem minor to you, but can be big for your child.

Going to bed problems

Sometimes parents find it hard to get young children to go to bed, or their early waking causes problems.

Children usually wake when they have had enough sleep, so early waking may be because of an early bedtime.

In some cultures children sleep in or near other family activities, and can nap whenever they feel tired - so this is not a problem.

However many parents are often tired at the end of the day and need time to themselves, or need extra sleep in the morning - more than their child does.

Sometimes your child may not want to go to bed because they:

  • don’t want to leave interesting people or things happening
  • they are frightened of being left alone, no matter what time you put them to bed
  • they are not tired yet, but might go to bed happily later
  • have had a busy or exciting day
  • have had too much excitement just before bedtime
  • lack a night-time routine to help them wind down
  • are affected by daylight saving - it looks and feels too early.

It can help to try to understand why your child does not want to go to bed.

It could be a one-off situation, such as visitors and excitement, or it may mean you need a different routine to help them settle before bed.


Settling babies

Young babies often give very small signals for what they need.

Get to know your baby’s signals so you can work out the best way to respond - eg: is their cry just a settling ‘grizzle’, or is it a ‘real’ cry that needs you to gently pat and rock them? 

If your baby is crying and very distressed, they need you to be with them and comfort them.

Responding to babies in this way is called responsive settling.

It’s best to use this approach rather than respond to babies on the basis of time, as in a controlled crying approach.

Over time, you can help your baby learn to go to sleep by themselves:

  • put your baby down when they are awake and calm, or only slightly ‘grizzly’
  • give them some gentle comfort
  • slowly withdraw.

Responding to your baby when they cry helps them to feel safe and secure. It also helps to build their brain development and a close bond with you.


When your child wakes at night

Night waking is normal for babies and young children. Often they just need to know you are close by so they can settle back to sleep.

Sometimes it can be due to pain such as earache, a cold or teething - so check for this if your child does not usually wake at night.

With pain, your child may not settle even if you try to comfort them, or they might settle for a short time and then wake again.

Even though it’s normal for your young child to wake at night, it can mean broken sleep for you - which can add stress to family life.

Find a way to deal with night waking in a way that meets your child’s need for comfort and gives you the best possible rest. 

Most parents say that one of the greatest needs they have with small children is the need for sleep.

Don't be ashamed to ask for help from your partner, family, friends or a community agency to get you through the times when your sleep is reduced or broken.

If you feel that you might hurt your child make sure they are in a safe place and leave until you have calmed down.

Contact someone immediately if you feel unable to manage.


Safe sleeping

It’s important to keep your baby safe while they sleep.

How to reduce SIDS risk

You can reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and fatal sleep accidents by doing the following:

  • from birth, put your baby on their back to sleep - never on their tummy or side
  • make up their cot from the bottom up, so their feet almost touch the end of the cot 
  • make sure their head cannot go under the bedclothes
  • use light bedding - no doonas, pillows, lamb’s wool, bumpers or soft toys, as these can make your baby too hot or cover their face
  • keep pets away when your child is sleeping - they could smother your baby
  • avoid exposing babies to tobacco smoke before birth and after - including on your clothes
  • use a safe cot, safe mattress, safe bedding - choose cots, beds and bedding that meet Australian standards
  • keep the cot away from curtain or blind cords
  • don’t use clothing that has long strings, ribbons or cords - less than 10cm long if a dummy is attached to clothing.

Where to put your baby to sleep

Sleep your baby in their own cot or bassinet next to your bed for the first six to twelve months of life.

It's best not to have them sleep with you as they may be rolled on or get tangled in bedding and suffocate.

Once you have finished feeding or playing with your baby in bed, put them in their cot - especially if you are:

  • a smoker
  • very tired
  • a heavy sleeper
  • very overweight
  • taking medicines that make you sleepy 
  • have been drinking alcohol.

Don’t sleep on a couch with your baby - their head can become caught between the seat and back.

Wrapping

Some babies settle better if wrapped in a light cotton cloth. Others do not. 

Make sure the wrapping is firm, but not too tight, so your baby can still bend their knees. 

Make sure they are not too hot. 

Once your baby can roll, stop wrapping them - there is a chance they could roll on to their face and suffocate.


More information

Find out more about children and sleeping, including where you can get support, on the following pages: