Protect your child from sexual abuse

Introduction

Sexual abuse of children is a crime.

It causes serious harm to children and their families. The effects can last a lifetime.

These pages are for parents and carers.

There are things you can do to keep your child safe. It is important for your child to know when something is wrong and how to tell others about it.

Child sexual abuse involves an abuse of the unequal power relationship between a child and another person and is a betrayal of the child's trust.

For example when an adult, a bigger child or an older child involves a child in any sexual activity or sexual threat.

These acts can include:

  • sexual touching
  • penetration
  • oral sex acts
  • involvement with pornography
  • taking sexualised photos of a child
  • sexually explicit talk
  • indecent exposure
  • involving a child in prostitution
  • female genital mutilation
  • threats or bribes to keep a child silent.

Child sexual abuse can happen in families and communities of any income, culture or religion.

While abuse by strangers does happen, most sexual abuse is committed by someone a child knows and trusts.

Children may be scared they will get into trouble if they tell, or that it might cause a lot of problems.

Children often feel no one will believe them or that they are to blame.

Child sexual abuse can be prevented or stopped.

In the Northern Territory (NT) the Care and Protection of Children Act states that it is mandatory for any person to make a report if they suspect child abuse.

That means if you suspect a child has been abused you must report it.

For more information contact the:

NT Child Abuse Hotline
Phone: 1800 700 250

Sexual Assault Referral Centre
Phone: (08) 8922 6472

NT Police
Phone: 000 in an emergency
Phone: 131 444 for police attendance


What you can do to protect your child

There are things you can do to help your child recognise when something is wrong and to tell others about it.

Talk with your children every day. Stop what you are doing and listen.

Talk to them about good things that happen and the things that worry them. Let them know they can talk to you at any time and there is nothing so bad that they can't tell you.

It's also important you tell them not to keep secrets about things that worry them.

From an early age you should talk to your children about what being safe means and what it feels like.

Help your children to understand body signals that tell them when something is wrong or they don't feel safe, such as:

  • shaky legs
  • sweaty palms
  • bad butterflies in the tummy.

Teach them to name their feelings and to tell you when they feel confused or scared.

You should teach your child:

  • they have the right to feel safe at all times
  • their whole body is private and belongs to them
  • it's not OK for others to touch their private parts or for them to touch other peoples' - this includes their mouths and areas covered by the underwear, including singlets
  • how to say 'No' or 'Stop' in a loud voice to any touching they don't like or want and to tell you about it straight away
  • that unwanted touching should never be kept a secret
  • the correct names for their body parts, including sexual parts, so they are better able to talk about them
  • to trust their feelings and not to keep secrets that make them feel bad.

If your child has good boundaries it can be harder for someone to harm them. You can help your child develop clear boundaries for personal privacy by doing the following:

  • notice and respect when they do not want physical contact - some will say 'No' while others might show it non-verbally like pulling away from hugs
  • don't make them kiss anyone if they don't want to - including family or friends - your child might want to wave or shake hands instead
  • give them privacy in the toilet or shower - as long as it's safe.

Help your child to make a list of adults they feel safe with. You can:

  • help them identify up to five people they can contact if they need to
  • be led by who your child feels safe with
  • review the list often
  • make sure your child knows how to contact each person
  • make sure people are happy to be in your child's safety network
  • ensure your child's network understands what it means.

Be aware of the signs

People who could want to harm your child might 'groom' them for sexual abuse. 

They build up the trust of families so they can access the child. They may target vulnerable families by offering help and support.

They might target isolated or lonely children who respond well to special attention.

You should watch how your child reacts to others. Don't make them be around someone they are not comfortable with.

You should be concerned if an adult or older child:

  • often wants to spend time with young children rather than adults or children their own age
  • doesn't respect a child's personal space
  • asks sexual questions or ignores a child when they say 'No' to being kissed or touched
  • shows sexual pictures to children
  • talks about a child's developing body
  • makes fun of their private body parts
  • refers to children in sexual terms, such as 'sexy'
  • seeks a special friendship with a child or wants to be alone with them
  • tells children to keep secrets
  • is too generous with affections or gifts
  • shares alcohol or drugs with children.

Sexual abuse of a child with a disability

If you have a child with a disability they are at a higher risk of abuse because they may depend on other adults for their care.

You should help your child to be as independent as possible in things such as:

  • dressing
  • personal hygiene
  • going to the toilet
  • eating.

If you child takes longer to learn things and to learn about staying safe you can always seek advice and support from professionals if you need it.


If someone has harmed your child

You might think your child is lying if they talk about sexual abuse - especially if it involves someone your family trusts. 

Children can sometimes make up stories about many things, but they usually don't lie or make up stories about sexual matters.

Take action if a child tells you someone has harmed them. You might be the only person they tell.

If a child tells you someone is harming them, you should:

  • listen to them - don't dismiss or minimise what they say
  • reassure them they are right to tell you
  • stay calm - they might be afraid to say more if you show you are shocked or upset
  • don't ask lots of questions - let them tell you in their own words and at their own pace
  • make sure the child is safe and let them know you will do your best to stop the abuse
  • contact the Child Abuse Hotline on 1800 700 250 for advice on what to do.

Sexual abuse by other children

It's normal for children to be curious and want to learn about their sexual parts. 

If children look at or touch others' bodies it may not mean the same for them as it does for adults. 

There is usually nothing to worry about if:

  • the children are about the same age and are friends
  • they can be easily redirected
  • the behaviour isn't unusual for their age
  • no child is upset by it.

Remind your child that:

  • someone else's body is private and touching is not OK
  • It is not OK for a child to touch another child in a way that upsets them.

If an older or stronger child persuades, tricks or forces a child into sexual activity, this is serious.

If this happens you must contact the Child Abuse Hotline on 1800 700 250 immediately.


Possible signs of sexual abuse

Children exposed to sexual abuse often change how they behave. They might display physical signs of abuse or they may act in ways that are not usual for them.

You should remember there might be other issues going on in a child's life that could explain their reactions. You should talk with your child often and not ignore changes that seem out of character.

If your child is being abused they might:

  • be red or sore around the mouth or genitals for no obvious reason
  • seem to know more about sex than is usual for someone their age
  • become clingy
  • wet the bed or soil themselves
  • have sleep problems
  • do drawings which show sexual body parts or being hurt by others
  • act out their abuse with their toys
  • get upset or scared when people talk about bodies or sex
  • become withdrawn and compliant
  • become angry and destructive
  • hurt themselves intentionally or take big risks
  • start having problems at school.

Contacts

NT Child Abuse Hotline
Phone: 1800 700 250 

Sexual Assault Referral Centre
Phone: (08) 8922 6472

NT Police
Phone: 000 for emergency
Phone: 131 444 for police attendance

Parentline
Phone: 1300 30 1300
open 8am to 10pm, every day

Kids Helpline
Phone: 1800 55 1800
kidshelp.com.au 

Cybersafety Contact Centre
Phone: 1800 880 176
cybersmart.com.au 

Australian Federal Police
thinkuknow.org.au 

Raising Children Network
raisingchildren.net.au